More and more single people will be depending on their urban families (friends, co-workers) to build that community and to satisfy that human need of intimacy. For gay men, the urban family is even more important. So if you do feel like you will be single forever, start developing your urban family.

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When I came out, my mother’s biggest fear after me catching AIDS was that I would end alone. There is something tragic about the single older gay man. But now I have realized that I should not fear this reality, but embrace the positive elements of this lifestyle. I know that I will not be alone. The number of Australians living alone is set to double over the next two decades. Australians are getting older, getting divorced, not getting married and the definition of family now includes dogs and cats. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 1.8 million people were living alone four years ago. By 2020, the ABS estimates that 3.7 million Australians will be living alone. This is an increase of more than 100 percent.

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James cooked an amazing Italian meal for the four us. Donna Hay (Australia’s Martha Stewart) would have been proud. It was after all her recipe. James even made chocolate brownies. We celebrated our fabulousness with champagne and wine. Larry had just celebrated his 30th birthday. David has recently found a new job. And me…I was just celebrating my destined singleness. We all felt very comfortable within our urban tribe. All of us are from Belgium, so the crew has become like a real family. The talk at dinner was about boys, sex and relationships. Who was getting it on…with whom….who liked who.... It is amazing the kind of intimate relationships gay men can have…The four of us are like brothers or sisters. We may shag like animals but we had relationships with each other that were full of intimacy and emotion.

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My horoscope confirmed something I had been suspecting for a while. “You will go through a period of your life where you will be alone, this may be a long period but you will learn to depend on yourself,” read the one paragraph horoscope. Normally, I dismiss such things. I am not one who believes in those things. But I did pay attention to this brief revelation. I have always had the feeling I will lead a single life for the rest of my life. And to be honest, I have come to accept this fact. I will be the single guy. There is a certain degree of freedom with acknowledging the truth. It is uncertainty that drives me crazy. Maybe it is that I am getting older and I am getting more comfortable with myself. I know value me time. I am comfortable in my own skin.

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The evening ended with cocktails at Slide, the new happening bar on Oxford St. It claims to be a lounge you would see in New York or London. It is actually a bit more up market than most gay bars in Sydney..but it is still very Sydney. It used to actually be a bank. But now, the bar only seems to take deposits…in the form of pricey drinks. It is the place to be seen and see. The good thing about the urban family is that all of us have a very different taste in men. We never fight over men. I like the tall muscular ones, James likes the shorter compact ones. Danny actually is very open to any type and Larry is just keen on dating. We had a few drinks and a lot of dancing. None of us actually picked up. I think Larry got a few numbers. He’s the cutest one of the group! But the night made me realise that I will not really be alone. That horoscope is rubbish. I’ve got my urban family.

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